The Conservatives Are Confusing Me

Usually it’s wise not to argue politics or religion, but things are getting weird, and I’m having trouble keeping score on which team is pursuing which ideals.  The Republicans claim to be pro God, and swear the Democrats are godless, and at first glance this seems so because conservatives go to church.  But yesterday I saw a car driving in stop and go traffic with a huge sign that totally confused me.  It said to the best of my recollection:

The government is not God,

Obama is not Christ,

Democrats are Satan,

America is going to Hell 

What’s with the conservatives and their Biblical slogans? 

Since I have a tendency to rewrite everything to be more logical, I thought about offering to rewrite their slogan, which is absurd too, since I’m a godless liberal.

How could they improve their metaphors.  What if we replaced the first line with “The government is not Moses.”  Think about it, conservatives demand fewer laws and Moses only provided ten. 

But wait, if you’re read The Old Testament, you’ll know it’s not about spiritual development but God relentless nagging the chosen people to build a great nation.  The book is bursting its binding with laws and more laws.  If conservatives are worried about federal government making too many laws they ought to read the Old Testament, God was far more demanding.  The New Testament is more libertarian, it gets down to just one law, the Golden Rule.

Maybe these guys are mad because the federal government is making as many laws as God, butting into God’s territory?  Could the original line really be far more subtle than I think.  So are these guys really saying the federal government should not be like God, and make fewer laws?

Obama is not Christ?  Ummm?  Jesus was big on healing people and Obama is big on healthcare reform.  I do see the connection they are making, but what are they protesting?  Wouldn’t Jesus want universal healthcare?  Wasn’t healing his profession?   Are they wanting a President that doesn’t act like Christ?  Wouldn’t that be the anti-Christ?

Dealing with negative implications are hard.  Luckily, the next line is straight forward, Democrats are Satan.  Satan is the bad guy, so obviously they mean the Democrats are the bad guys.  But the Democrats are for healing people, helping the downtrodden, aiding the poor, just like Jesus taught.  And, the democrats love the meek.  Jesus also wanted to see the good in criminals and prostitutes, which sounds more liberal than conservative to me.  So why is the party trying to do what Jesus taught called Satanic?  I’m confused again.

And why is America going to hell?  The satanic democratic party wants healthcare for all, to clean up the environment, educate children and make them wise, become less gluttonous with natural resources, share the wealth, and so on.  And most of all, they want to end global warming!  Which sounds like an anti-hell agenda to me.  The democrats seem to be seeking the same goals preached in the New Testament.  Well, I’m just an ignorant heathen, who does not understand the subtle wisdom of the righteous.

I know the guys in the car are pro Republicans, and they want to tie their cause to Christianity.  But the Republicans are pro money, pro war, pro guns, pro greed, pro waste, pro destroy the Earth, hell bent to make all animals extinct, and they absolutely, positively, hate the meek.  This really doesn’t compute.  It doesn’t seem to be what I learned in Sunday School before I dropped out to become a heretic.  Did they change lessons plans after I left?

Some conservatives see a new Jesus that will return to kill off the unbelieving like a rampaging Rambo holding two machine guns.  But wouldn’t that be the anti-Christ they keep talking about?

I am reminded of an old short story by Robert Sheckley about Armageddon.  The world is ending, and two great armies are fighting the war of Armageddon, but it’s all fought with machines and robots, and when God opens the sky, its the robots that rise up to heaven.  Wouldn’t it be strange if the rapture arrives and God takes up all the Democrats and leaves all the Republicans?   

JWH – 4/22/10

4 thoughts on “The Conservatives Are Confusing Me”

    1. Don’t worry Alex, I’m not anti-republican or anti-conservative per se. I’m all for a smaller more efficient government and reduced taxes if we can save money through doing away with corruption, fraud, waste and other forms of spending fat. But I want a big government to build a fancy #1 nation. I also think some social spending is counter productive. And I’m very big on law and order and the military. But since I’m not rich, I’m not all hung up on tax reform.

      My recent posts are mainly amused ramblings at the weird extremes some conservatives are taking. And yes, I know there are plenty of liberal weirdos too. I’m a middle of the road kind of guy, I never want to veer to far right or left.

  1. Do conservatives demand fewer laws? I haven’t noticed that, Jim. They want fewer restrictions on corporations, true, but they seem to be obsessed with what people do in their bedrooms or with their bodies.

    Just as with government spending, conservatives don’t seem to want less, just different. Of course, I’m one of those liberal weirdos. Heh, heh.

    And regarding that sign, well, nothing about religion has ever made sense to me. Considering that various Christians can have almost completely contradictory beliefs about almost everything, it’s hard to avoid the conclusion that they’re just imagining whatever they want to be true.

    And that’s not even considering all the other religions in the world. With science, there’s a clear consensus worldwide. Science doesn’t vary depending on your nationality or your background. Religion does.

  2. I just read an a news article saying there are 20 million evangelicals in the U.S., and of those 20 mill one quarter believe that the “rapture” is going to happen in their lifetime…..if you believe that you will believe many crazy things…Jim

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