by James Wallace Harris, 10/2/25
It wasn’t until I couldn’t talk to my old friend that I became truly puzzled about a recent piece of advice. I lost Connell, someone I’ve known for 58 years, last April. I keep wanting to talk to him, but he’s no longer there to hear me.
My social media algorithms keep sending me various kinds of warnings about dealing with life in my seventies. A recent video told me people would stop listening to me. And, if I were a parent, I shouldn’t be shocked if my children stopped listening to me, too. What did that mean?
At first, I didn’t think that advice applied to me because I don’t have children, and I have lots of friends. I wasn’t even sure what they were talking about. I wondered if it was similar to how some of my older female friends talk about how men no longer look at them. Does becoming old make what we have to say unworthy of hearing?
I’ve always assumed I would be ignored when I got old. I remember when we were young, we’d say, “Don’t trust anyone over thirty.” Now I don’t trust anyone under sixty. Was the advice about that kind of age prejudice? Actually, moving into my seventies makes me distrust everyone of all ages.
The video said people would stop listening to you once you got into your seventies. What do I have to say that people would no longer care to hear? And why was it a warning? Were they talking about loneliness? And who wouldn’t be listening? And does that include me? Will I stop wanting to listen to other people?
Many of my family and friends became quiet as they got older. Did they say less because they no longer cared what other people had to say and stopped listening, too?
I often want to talk to people who have died. They can’t listen anymore. Is my desire to communicate with them revealing why I want people to listen to me? And what do I have to say that will make me feel bad if it’s not heard?
Mostly, we chit-chat in life. We find damn few people to converse with on a deep level. Was that what the warning was about? Was the warning suggesting that meaningful conversations will disappear?
As I get older, I feel I’m withdrawing from the world. Maybe the warning is suggesting that as everyone withdraws, we’ll stop talking to each other?
I remember an acid trip I had back in the sixties. I took a hit that I didn’t know was a four-way hit, and got rather high. I lost my sense of self. I felt every person dwelt in their own island universe. And that real communication wasn’t possible, and the best we could do was like tossing a message in a bottle onto the ocean, hoping someone would find and read it. I sometimes feel that getting older will be like that. Was that the warning?
Do we have a need to be heard that goes unfulfilled as we age?
Maybe someone older can clarify what that warning meant. Leave a comment.
Now that I think about it, I’m not sure how many people do listen to me. Oh sure, I converse with friends all the time. But that’s chit-chat. I have a few friends with whom I believe we resonate on the same wavelength. Was the warning telling me that those people will disappear in my seventies? That is a depressing thought.
I have one last theory. The older I get, the less energy I have to express myself. So I don’t make the effort. Maybe, if we don’t make the effort to send, we stop making the effort to receive.
JWH
Auxiliary Memory 
You’re not sure how many people listen to you. Well I listen to you, and I get at least one good thing to think about from each of your blogs. So as far as I’m concerned – keep going.
As for people not listening to you, no bother to me at all, couldn’t care less.
Mum & Dad are long dead, and what I find now is that there are piles of questions I have for them from my early days, and from their early days, that I will never get answered. That is very frustrating. My parents had both died by the time I hit 30, which goes to show, in my case at least, that even by 30 you are too immature to understand what are the most important questions in life that you need answering.
I am 71 and had a pre-warning of unpleasant things to come from a friend who lived fairly nearby. This guy phoned me up, out of the blue, whilst I was working at the University. He clearly saw my astronomy work online and asked if I could make an electronic circuit for him, which I did. He was pretty old, in his 90s I think, and although still married, he was clearly bothered by the fact that all the friends he once had were now dead, and he was last man standing. I did a couple more favours for him, and he in return sent me some rather nice home-made pressies. He also used to continue to phone me at odd times at the University, and although that would annoy me with most people, with him it was fine. Then one year, the phone calls stopped. The inevitable had happened. Also just a few months back, the Professor who took me on at University passed. A huge loss to me as he was a great mentor. Maybe 2 or 3 years ago, my Physics teacher at school who basically created my career passed away. My first textbook on Semiconductor Device Physics mentions the great Dave Squibb “in dispatches” as he put it.
So for me personally, the toughest thing in going forward is seeing all these people who once helped you, mentored you, or inspired you, coming to the end of their allotted time. Each one (for me) is a blow to the heart. The question is, how many blows can you take before it’s your time?
I find I don’t care about politics as much as I did, mainly because it’s pointless the way it is in today’s world.
I have three good friends and two we have deeper interesting conversations, but the third one is just chitchat, but I like her anyway because she’s has that kind of personality that just draws people in.
My parents, and my husband are gone
And I find myself enjoying more and more, just being at home by myself piddling around.
I think this is normal as we get older