by James Wallace Harris, 3/16/26
I find getting old fascinating. And I enjoy writing about aging. I know I’m not saying anything original, but each new observation feels new to me. But I’m starting to see that other people don’t see getting old as a rewarding philosophical experience. Even though I’m amused by my mental and physical failings, talking and writing about them is bumming out some family and friends.
My newest observation, which I should have made much sooner, is that folks don’t see me by my view of aging, but theirs. They see the aged as depressing, frail, weak, useless, and something to either avoid or not think about.
Decades ago, I noticed that famous people in their late seventies and eighties were disappearing. Then, when their obits showed up, people would say, “I thought they were dead years ago.” Is that the proper etiquette – to hide away when old?
I think some people want to grow old like Mick Jagger and Keith Richards – to publicly rock out through their eighties, (and maybe nineties?). But most people, when they get wrinkly, prefer to hide from view. I don’t want to hide, but is that what young people expect? I’ve overheard young people criticizing people in their fifties, claiming they should not be seen.
Everyone loves to see centenarians who are still working full-time at amazing jobs. Or oldsters that still define cool.
I now assume the unwritten law is that we don’t want to see people who act old. If you’re old and act young, you’re good, but not if you act your age. But I’ve often seen young people making fun of old people acting young.
That means I need to act young, but only to my friends my age. I’ve started paying attention to other old people. Most are either quiet about aging or good at acting young (younger?).
And I’ve discovered a second good reason to shut up about life on the right side of the bell curve of aging. My recent social media feeds have been getting strange. The algorithm has noticed what I’ve been saying. At first, it sent me inspirational suggestions about being positive in my seventies. Then it sent me warnings about not offending young people. After that, it sent me info on which surgeries to get and which to avoid. Then last week, things started getting even stranger. Videos about assisted living and nursing home care started showing up.
Finally, and eeriest yet, are the videos about hospice care.
Yes, I need to shut up about aging. I want my feed to go back to home repair how-tos, wild animals being friends with other wild animals, and questionable young women asking me to visit their sites. (At least the digital con artists were under the illusion I’m still young enough to want young women, or willing to pretend that I think I am.)
Since I don’t want my friends and family to feel sorry for me, I need to write about topics that don’t age me. Also, I need to be careful what I say so my feeds don’t scare me.
I wonder how the feeds will react to this post?
JWH
Auxiliary Memory 
I think you don’t see old people for a couple of reasons: one, they have had enough of others; two, they’ve recognised the pointlessness of much of the running about we do.
I definitely get it. Bob and I have started calling ourselves the old age pensioners which we think is delightful but other people are afraid we will fall into being too old with that terminology. Way better than those sassy seniors types of branding. I say be who you want and let others, young and old, learn to live with it!
By the Linda, do you play Mahjong?
Please don’t shut up about getting old! I enjoy reading your thoughts about aging – both because they are interesting and because they help prepare me for what will (probably) come. Of course, I am not a “young” person either (mid 50s) but I agree with Linda’s comment: be who you want and let others learn to live with it.
we lost country joe last weekend, bob weir a few days before that, and brian wilson last autumn; a couple of my favorite writers, jim harrison and nick tosches are dead, as is william hjortsberg. i reckon the most disheartening thing about aging is losing the words and music of people i looked to for entetainment when i was bored and inspiration when i was brokenhearted. i’m still trying to articulate the way a song titled SEASONS by steve miller and ben sidran gave me the balls to live with a broken heart when i was twenty years old and wondering if it wasn’t time to punch out. (florida summers oftimes had that effect on me.) whether the world is any better because of it all, i’ll leave to people who feel qualified to pass judgement on that sort of thing to decide. meantime, i’ll to see what hot tuna and tom rush sound like next time out, what david cronenberg and martin scorsese commit to celluloid their next turn in the directors chair, and whether thomas mcguane has got another novel for us. semper aliquid novi, if i can trust my high school latin.
I always read your posts with interest. Your recent post on aging and meaning was of particular interest given that I’m 62, but did leave me feeling concerned. I actually thought, I wish I lived next to him because it feels like he needs a hug. And because you’d be a very interesting neighbour. As I age I find myself increasingly embracing nihilism as a positive, which I would not have previously thought possible. Luckily for me, it appears that contentment is my superpower.
Please keep writing.
Cheers,
Tim , Katoomba Australia
Undertaker ads perhaps…?
There’re probably next.
Or organ donor ads
Well, I know I’m old at 79 although mentally I feel like I’m in my 50s or even younger. I’m in Florida so there’s a lot of old people here so we don’t feel as outcast as in other states. I’ll have a group of friends and one is 85. We are all old.
But personally, I am more content in my life mentally that I ever have been, but I’m fortunate financially and so far in health and both of those make a big difference.
I do think many young people look down at oldsters but maybe it’s fear that they know they’ll be there some days too. And here again without children and grandchildren I’m really am never around younger people, which suits me just fine. I don’t connect with him mentally.