Time – Page 10 – Auxiliary Memory

Time, Time, Time

I never have enough time. And I’m always craving more time. Days flick by like I’m an accelerating time traveler.

Every year at Christmas I take off two weeks. I always have big ambitions for my windfall of free time, but I never get done all the things I plan. This year is no exception. I have two days of freedom left and I’m depressed that I won’t have more. I never have enough time, and I’m so envious of all my friends who have retired. But those friends tell me that they’re as busy as ever. I guess we never get enough time, even when we have all our time free.

And it’s not like I’m doing anything very important. I go to bed at night regretting the friends I didn’t see, the albums I didn’t play, the television shows I didn’t watch, the books I didn’t read, the dirt I didn’t clean, the clutter I didn’t organize, the thoughts I didn’t think, the ideas I didn’t write about, the characters I didn’t develop, the photographs I didn’t take, the programs I didn’t write, and so on. And that doesn’t even count the big ambitious goals I’ll never do like learn how to play the guitar, build a robot or become a chess player. The list goes on and on.

My days start the same way every day, and my nights end the same way every night. These morning and evening routines remind me just how much my life is like a clock, or how much our lives are based on rhythms.

I get up and let Nicky the cat out of the bedroom, petting him while he meows loudly at me for locking him in for the night. He yells at me every morning. I pick up his wet food bowl and follow him to the main bathroom where I get him fresh water for his daytime water bowl. I take the wet food bowl to the kitchen and put it in the sink to rinse out, and then put on a finger cot and squeeze out .5 ml of medicine and go rub it in Nicky’s ear while he’s drinking his water. I set my watch timer for 25 minutes and go check email. Nicky comes in and sits in his chair next my desk chair and I pet him while I read emails. When the alarm goes off I go back in the kitchen and fix Nicky one quarter can of Fancy Feast. I then get a syringe and fill it with .5 cc of lactulose. I pick Nicky up and put him on the counter and calm him down with some petting and friendly chatting before forcing his mouth open and squirting the medicine onto the side of his mouth. His reward is the bowl of wet food.

Now I go back to the bedroom take off my clothes, start the shower, weigh myself and touch my toes 15 times. I shower, dry off, put on my underwear. I go back into the kitchen and repeat the procedure with the lactulose but this time reward Nicky with one teaspoon of Yoplait original yogurt. Then I go to my exercise room, put on my socks and do 15 minutes of physical therapy exercises for my back. After that I put on my pants and shoes and do 130 reps of rowing and 30 arms pulls on the Bowflex to further strengthen my lower back. Finally I eat my breakfast.

With all that done I can start my day. What I do each day varies, but it’s surprisingly routine.

At night, around 10 pm I do Nicky’s medicine again, the third round of the day, in three parts spaced 25 minutes apart. I usually watch TV while waiting between doses. Finally, I lock Nicky in the bedroom, with his bowl of wet food, some extra crunchies, his heating pad and some new water in his nighttime bowl. I then go to my office where I sleep in a chair because of my back. If I didn’t lock Nick in the bedroom he’d walk on me all night long. I undress and put on sweat pants for PJs, and put Restasis in my eyes. I then go put on the alarm, turn off the lights and go to bed in my La-Z-Boy. The last thing I do is think about all the things I didn’t get done during the day and think about all the things I want to do the next day.

Nicky’s getting old and I have no plans for another pet. I’ll have to alter my routine, but I guess I get a few more minutes of time for each day.

In about a year I hope to retire. That will get me a lot more time, but it will never be enough. And then one day I’ll run out of time completely.

Maybe it’s time to think about the things I really want to do. Maybe now is the time to prioritize my activities and time.

Is that even possible?

The year 2012 is almost over. I wonder if there’s anything I really meant to do before it finishes? How did it get to be 2012? I remember so clearly 50 years ago thinking 1992 was the far future, and 2012 was unthinkable almost.

Time, time, time…

Does time really exist? Is it a quantity we can bank or squander?

I love my life and what I do. One of the things I like to do is bitch about not having enough time. Bitch, bitch, bitch, that’s how I am about time.

Doesn’t everyone? Does anyone ever have enough time?

So it goes.

JWH – 12/30/12

Living To Do Everything–And Getting Nothing Done

We want it all. To do more, see more, go more, feel more, taste more…

We rush to fill every hour with more activities. We hate to miss anything our heart desires. Yet, how much do we really get done?

Patricia Hampl said in Blue Arabesque:

Isn’t that why I’d majored in English to begin with, without knowing it? Not to teach, not to be a librarian, not for a job. To be left alone to read an endless novel, looking up from time to time for whole minutes out of the window, letting the story impress itself not only on my mind, but on the world out there, letting the words and world get all mixed up together. To gaze at the world and make sentences from its passing images. That was eternity, it was time as it should be, moving like clouds, the forms changing into story.

By doing too much, we do too little. Hampl blames modernity on our failure to see the sublime in life.

Is it more enriching to hear 1,000 different songs than to get to know 100 songs by playing them 10 times? Is it a richer experience to study 10 songs by living with each a 100 times? Or should we devote ourselves to 1 song until we can sing and play it note for note, either in perfect imitation or in wild improvising?

The time spent is the same, but how deeply do we experience time when listening to 1,000 songs versus listening to a song 1,000 times? How productive is contemplation?

I woke up this morning, lingering between sleep and wakefulness, entertaining myself with thoughts about what I would do today. I’d like to pick just one goal and accomplish it each day, but no matter how hard I try, the whirlwind of life diverts me from the ambition I pick. I can never focus because my environment pulls me in endless directions.

For example, between all forms of books, hardbacks, trade editions, paperbacks, ebooks, and audiobooks, I have about 1,000 books waiting for me to read. What would life be like if I only had one? Ditto for friendships, movies, television shows, photos, albums, hobbies, household responsibilities – all vying for my attention. Not that I have a 1,000 of each – some much less, but others much more.

I can’t honestly say I have 1,000 essays and stories waiting to be written, but the number is large. If I had no other distractions and only one idea I wanted to write about, how much more could I accomplish in one day?

I think we all want too much. Wouldn’t we all benefit from a stay at Walden’s Pond and being Thoreau for a year?

While laying in my dreamy state of mind this morning, my subconscious told me I could get more done if I did less.

Why don’t I listen?

JWH – 8/26/12

So Many Books, Too Little Time

My motto should be: “ Quot Libros, Quam Breve Tempus” or so many books, so little time.

My patron saint is Henry Bemis.

In case you don’t know Henry Bemis, he was played by Burgess Meredith in a very famous episode of Twilight Zone, “Time Enough at Last” about a super-bookworm, Henry Bemis. Henry was a bank clerk who never could find enough time to read, until the world came to an end.

I never can find enough time to read either. It’s a life of quiet desperation for words. I have more unread books on my shelves than I will be able to read if I lived to be 100. I also have a book buying addiction – I buy 7-10 books for every one I read. I’ve always rationalized I will read them someday, but at 60, I know that’s not true.

I had an epiphany the other day. I was flipping through some free books I had picked up and it dawned on me that I will never run out of something to read, even if I didn’t own a single book. I have access to so many free or cheap books, that owning books doesn’t matter anymore. I even pictured myself finishing a book and just leaving it where someone else could find it, and then stumbling onto my next read. There’s a service for leaving books for other people to find called Book Crossing.

There’s also a movement called Little Free Libraries, where people build tiny waterproof libraries to give away books. They put them in public places, or in front of their homes, with a sign “Take a book, leave a book.” I wonder if I built a little free library box for my yard, would there always be a book in it I’d want to read when I finished my current book?

Where I work we’ve had a free book table for years. I always find something to read there. Today I snagged The Victorians by A. N. Wilson, and Us and Them: Understanding Your Tribal Mind by David Berreby. Yesterday my friend Ted handed me Fooled by Randomness by Nassim Nicholas Taleb. Before that I brought home The Closing of the Western Mind by Charles Freeman. Don’t be too impressed, I doubt I’ll actually read them, but like Henry Bemis I dream of the day when I could. Ted is giving away hundreds of books. Over the years so have I.

I’ve also rediscovered libraries, and my main library now has a used bookstore as part of the library. So there’s a library book sale every day except Sunday. It’s classic section always has at least one book I’ve always wanted to read. Last Saturday I came home with five such books, for about $9.

And even if I couldn’t find a free book, there’s never been a time I’ve walked into a bookstore and not found a book I wanted to read.

This makes me wonder why I hoard books. Generally I don’t read books off my bookshelves because I’m always hearing about a new book I want to read. Serendipity always selects my next read, so why should I bother gathering books to somehow plan my future reading?

Well, it’s an addiction. Not a bad one. I don’t have to steal to keep up my habit. The worse aspect about it is my house fills up with books and I have to decide which ones to give away. That’s what I’m doing this week. So far I’ve brought five cloth bags of books to the free book table at work. The fall classes start this week and they will disappear quickly.

Another source of books is friends. I know enough bookworms telling me about great books that I could mooch off of them for the rest of my life.

There’s also an Internet service called BookMooch. You list books you want to give away by mail and people contact you. You earn points towards mooching books off of other members. I have access to so many free books that this service wouldn’t help me, but people living where books were hard to find should love it.

And just remember the new world of ebooks. Feedbooks and Manybooks fills my Kindle and iPad with classics and public domain books. And Books on the Knob daily reports all the great free ebooks that are available. My library provides me with free ebooks to check out, and Amazon Prime lends me free books too.

I could reduce my bookshelves down to one volume, a Kindle, and never have to worry about finding something to read again.

I don’t think I’ll give away all my books. I have too many I keep for sentimental reasons, but I do think I might try overcoming my book buying addition. There’s no reason to hoard books. Well, I can think of one reason. If the world came to an end like in the Twilight Zone show, it would be great to have a stockpile of books to read if I was a sole survivor.

JWH – 8/21/12

What 12 Lessons About Life Would You Teach Your Younger Self If You Had A Time Machine?

Nobody likes taking advice from other people.

What if you could get advice from an older, wiser version of yourself? Would you take it? What if you had a time machine and could travel back to visit your younger self and spend one day to help him or her prepare for the future? Would your younger self listen and learn?

What advice would you give you? How would you be convincing. What proof could you bring?

There are two ways to approach this problem. First, you could teach yourself how to get more of what you wanted in this life with hindsight, or you could convince yourself that you should be a totally different person, a better person. If you collected rare baseball cards you could tell yourself how to get the rarest ones for your future self. Or, you could tell your younger self, don’t waste a lifetime on collecting baseball cards, just play a lot of baseball.

As much as I’ve enjoyed my life, as much as I love my wife and friends, I have never been the person I wanted to be because of introverted habits and laziness. I would go back and try to convince my younger self to become a different person knowing full well it would erase me and my current life.

If you had a time machine and could spend a day with a younger self, what age would you target? Why? What would you say?

I’d go back to 1964 when I turned 13, when I understood science fiction. I think Jim-13 could understand Jim-60 and time travel.

Here’s what I’d try to teach Jim-13.

Give up my addiction to science fiction. I have a life-long addiction to fantasy that I overindulge with books, television and movies. I’d work very hard to convince my younger self to never look at television again, and to promise to read no more than one novel a month. I’d try to convince him to read more non-fiction and classics. I’d tell him when he did read SF, to find and read the very best science fiction, but no more than four SF books a year. I’d try to convince him to seek out SF books that taught him more about reality and not use science fiction to escape reality.
Study science and mathematics. I wouldn’t try to help my younger self get rich by telling him to buy key stocks, or which horses or football teams to bet on. I’d try to teach him that the key to a good life is working hard at something you love and that being a scientist is probably the best way to spend a lifetime.
Give up junk food, eat healthy, and exercise. I was an active kid, and skinny until after I got married, but I have an addictive personality and I ate lots of junk food. Seeing Jim-60 weighing 234 pounds would probably be pretty convincing evidence.
Don’t get involved with drugs. Hey, I grew up in the 1960s, so that will be a hard lesson to teach. I might tell him to experiment under certain social conditions, but convince Jim-13 that drugs will waste a lot of time and money.
Pay more attention to other people. I’ve always been introverted, self-centered and egocentric. I’d try to convince Jim-13 that getting out of his head and focusing on what’s going on in other people’s heads will lead to more social success and a richer life.
Warn him about sex. Hey, he’s 13. I’d try to convince him that all those gazillion hours of sex fantasies won’t get him laid. I’d try to teach him not to think about what he wanted but learn to observe women and study what they wanted. I’d tell him, yes, all the girls have pussies, but the organ you really want to lust after is brains. I’d tell him to learn to dance.
Take good notes. I’d try very hard to teach Jim-13 to keep a journal, studying the art of writing as deeply as possible, learn to draw and sketch, and take one photo a day.
Find ways to make money and save it. I’d teach him working provides social contacts and access to mentors, and that saving money will mean freedom to do more. I tell him that easy money from time travel tips is wrong and a waste of time.
Finish school as fast as possible and get into college as soon as you can. I’d convince Jim-13 that it’s very important to become independent as soon as possible and college is one way to do that. Try to get in by 16.
Move in with your grandmother. My parents were alcoholics and at age 13 I was about to go through some very bad years. If I could have gotten away from them it really would have helped me tremendously. And my grandmother managed an apartment building in her old age, and could have used the help. If I could have grown up living in one place and had a stable life for junior high and high school I would have been a much different person. I’d tell my younger self to not leave Miami until after college – to even get into the University of Miami for college. Maybe even study marine biology. I’d also advise him to leave for grad school and to study physics or astronomy then.
Find mentors. I think the key to success is to start work young and find mentors that can help you understand the game in any situation.
Learn to focus and work hard. I’d tell Jim-13 to push himself to work a little harder at his favorite projects each day. To learned to focus his concentration a little harder on every task each day. If you can spend 30 minutes focused on learning calculus one day, try for 31 the next. If you can grind on a telescope mirror for 2 hours on one day, try for 2 hours and 5 minutes the next. If you can run four miles one day, try for 4.1 the next. Just keep pushing your body and mind to go further.

I know this is a fantasy and time travel isn’t possible. But playing this little thought experiment is very educational. I can always pretend its advice for Jim-13 from Jim-60, but it could be advice for Jim-80 to me at this moment.

But if this little fantasy was possible it would have played out different than what I wanted.

Convincing my younger self of all of this would be hard. If I could print out all my blog posts into a book, I give him that. I might bring an iPad to show him how far out technology gets. I might bring him the book Replay by Ken Grimwood. I might bring him a photo album of my life.

I was a bullheaded kid, so I’m not sure I could have convinced him of anything.

I’m pretty sure he would have demanded that Jim-60 stay in 1964 so he, Jim-13 could return in the time machine to 2012.

I would have agreed.

JWH – 8/4/12

The Dangers of Building Your Own HTPC and Living Without Cable TV

As I reported earlier in FYI: DIY-FIY (Do-It-Yourself, Fix-It-Youself), my HTPC started crashing intermittently, the worse kind of electronic failure to troubleshoot. I tried everything to fix it. Eventually I decided it must be something wrong with the motherboard, so I bought a new motherboard and new CPU, one of those new AMD A6-3500 CPU/GPU combos. For a few weeks it worked beautifully, much better than the old machine, but then it started acting up. This time something different, it just wouldn’t boot. In the rebuild I used a new, but old hard drive for the boot drive so I could save my recordings off the old boot drive, and use it as a second drive. The only parts from the original machine was the case, 2nd power supply and the original memory. I had two theories. One, the used hard drive was bad, or two, the original memory was my problem all along and it had gotten worse.

Now all of this is very aggravating. I had gotten used to having a home theater PC connected to my den television and now I’m making do with off the air broadcasts, Netflix discs and streaming, and a Roku box. This still provides more TV than I have time to watch, but it doesn’t let me record shows. However, this time around I have a backup DVR.

I bought a HD HomeRun Dual network TV tuner. It was a snap to install. Just plug in the over-the-air antenna, Ethernet cable and power cable and run a small install program on each of my PCs. Now I can bring up Windows Media Center on any computer in my house and watch live TV, or record TV from two tuners. Very slick. So I can still record shows while my HTPC is broken but now I have to watch them on this computer. This also simplifies my HTPC setup because it no longer has a TV tuner card in it. And because I bought the new A6 with Radeon HD 6530D graphics it doesn’t have a video card either. The new HTPC worked much better and drew less power. Great until it started crashing.

I was so happy when I got the HTPC going again. I thought I’d have years of worry free service, but dang, I must have jinxed myself, because the new HTPC is completely dead now.

The other day I ordered some new memory and just tried it out, but it wasn’t the fix. I’m now hoping it’s the old hard drive, and not other bad motherboard. So sometime in the future I’ll have to take everything apart again and start troubleshooting all over again. Another troubling idea is the HTPC is being damaged by electrical spikes. But this is a long shot. However, the 2nd hard drive went out just before the machine started crashing. I’ve bought a UPS to protect it in the future. It already had a good APC surge protector.

But I’m putting off fixing the HTPC off for awhile. I want to get some other things done this weekend.

This is a real lesson in building your own computers. Normally you buy a computer and it comes with a 1 year warranty. You can even buy extended warranties. If something goes wrong you take it back and someone else fixes the machine or gives you another one. When you build your own machine and it stops working you’re the one that’s got to fix it.

More than that, this whole affair of giving up cable TV has taught me a number of things. Comcast got me addicted to DVRs, so giving up cable means learning to live with live TV or building your own DVRs. I’ve starting to wonder if DRVs are worth all the trouble. I love the simplicity of only having 5 channels I care about, instead of over 200. But even then, how much do I even care about those 5 channels? The absolute gem is PBS.

When my HTPC died I had 200 documentaries I had recorded from PBS that I wanted to watch. This is very revealing. Why hadn’t I just watched those shows when they aired? TV documentaries are like the books I buy but don’t read. I keep thinking I’m going to watch those shows or read those books, but my to-be-watch and to-be-read lists just get longer and longer.

Last night my friend Janis was over and we were just going through the Netflix menu on my Roku. I’ve got 196 shows in my queue waiting to be watched, and we found dozens of foreign movies we wanted to watch in the suggestion lists. There is no shortage of TV to watch. Then why do I want to hoard TV shows on a DVR? Isn’t this like going to a restaurant and buying a meal with the intention of eating sometime in the future?

I have a hang-up about controlling time. My DVR infected me with a time control disease. I think hoarding books is a time control disease.

I am tempted to simplify my TV watching yet again and give up the DRV and HTPC. I’d miss playing Rdio and Rhapsody through the den stereo, but I’ve also rediscovered the greatness of just listening to a CD again. CDs sound so much better than streaming music and MP3s. I’ve been going retro in the last several weeks. I’ve been buying DVDs of old westerns and watching one every night before I go to bed. It shows I can live without cable TV, or even HTPC TV, or even broadcast TV or even Netflix.

Which makes me ask: Does it matter what’s on TV?

JWH – 7/21/12